it's been a long time :)

It's been a long time - this project is still alive. but my life has moved so dramatically in a whole new direction. my weight is way up right now and I have not ben running consistantly. i hope to get started again (maybe tomorow). i need to start bloging again too. right here and also on the site for my other film. it's called the road to punda milia.



that project has supeceded this one as the making of that film and the entire scope of the project and all that entails is in fact the "living big" aspect of this project... it's so much "bigger" then i ever DREAMED! and even though my wieght is back up a bit - i'm very happy with life right now - in nearly all it's aspects :)

confession :)

i have been avoiding blogging as my struggles to get the weight off continue. the struggle is just to get back into the pre-africa habits. i know what i need to do and it's just a matter of getting through the first hard week - after that it's easy. but this has really been an eye opener for me. the first time i had success with this approach i stuck with it for 3 months and lost 85 pounds - then went off for just one weekend and it took like 6-7 years off trying to get back on it. i stayed with it a lot longer this last time, met my goals and have now gained back 40 + pounds.

i'm trying again today, got through most of three days a few weeks ago and fell off, the eye opener is just how difficult it is to get going. i can't take that for granted any longer.

on a positive note i got a lot done on the melon website this weekend! it'll go live soon! at least in beta form.

i weighed 253.8 today.

242.8

Just finished my second run - the weeks over, I weighed 242.8 today, wish it was lower :)

I do realize if I just maitain a strict approach this weekend I could easily be back in the 230's come next Monday when I weigh in again.

I weighed 242.8 today

250.2

It's been frustrating over the last couple months - I have managed to take off and keep off a little weight but not able to really move it down consistently. Yesterday it had moved up a little even. I weighed in at 250.2 after my run and what's worse is that's going into a weekend.

So today (Saturday) I have somehow managed to get through the day with the HMR only. It's almost 7:30 pm - I think I will make it through day one. This is what I need to do, it's not easy. I won't weigh in again until Monday.

Well it's Monday and I have yet to finish this post. Yesterday was really bad - I made it through the day OK - but had some major - withdrawal symptoms. Feeling normal today and still on the diet :)

I weighed 244.2 today.

blogger's block

It's been so odd. I've been feeling the need to blog, I have plenty to blog about, I've sat down to blog - but then I just don't feel like doing it. It's odd because there was a time when I was blogging everyday. It was in the midst of my big push for the weight loss and I'd stop back at my computer at work after my second run to do my blog. In other words I'd have to really go out of my way to get it done.

So now I have two blogs going - each about the two different film projects I have. As to the weight loss blog - good news there is that I'm comfortably back into the 14 mile a day runs. Though, on some days run a little less. It seems to alternate between 13.26 and 14.38 (still good either way).

As to the "Road to Pundamilia" my other film - I have finished the first rough cut of one segment. Hopefully today I will get a few more things at least planned out. It was an intense effort to get that first cut finished and of-course it's too long but I think I will move on to another segment. I think it would be better to get away form the first segment for awhile.

Not my best blog but better then nothing. Here's something I found today while searching through old emails from one of the volunteers in Africa. This is GREAT!

I´m so happy I went there, I´m so happy I experienced this all, now I´m more ready to help africa in the future, I´m ready to face corruption and disappointment and I´m ready to face love :) because in Kenya I saw more love than anywhere else in the world, I carried God in my arms and I kissed God good night, and God hugged me when I was leaving and made me feel wanted, needed, important, and all the kids in WWB loved God and He was always with them and inside them, all the little hearts I met there were filled with love...incredible, pure love for life.

and now I love Africa more than ever before...

– Jarka Bednarova

who knows?

it was another bad weekend - i was hoping to go liquids only but didn't. staying at home and "not eating" is really difficult. even after a fairly good week. i didn't gain back too much though or at least the gain didn't last too long.

i weighed 249.6 yesterday (monday morning after the morning run) - and had a significant drop more by the end of the second run, last night i weighed 245.4 (back to where i was on Friday) - who knows??? i ran again this morning and was at 244.2 - we'll see where i end up after tonight's run. i'm looking forward to being in the 30's again - it may happen this week. i'm starting to think about the skin removal surgery again. it'll set me free from this body, i feel i'm back on track.

i lost something today

it was as i thought it might be - i did poorly by being at home all weekend - very hard to be there and not eat. i did get the opportunity to get a start on my film - though i think i spent just as much time mowing the grass as i did editing. i gained 5 pounds over the weekend and then i couldn't run at all on tuesday. i weighed 253.4 on monday - didn't weigh myself on tuesday, yesterday i weighed 250 and tonight i weighed 245.4. i've got to do better this weekend.

i lost my big toe nail tonight. i have been beating up my feet for nearly 2.5 years now... i've had toe nails turn black three times - but this is the first time this has happened - what does one do? do i bury it and have a service? or keep it as a memento? super glue it back on? will a new toe nail grow back? it felt like i was in the movie "Fly" or "District 9". This toe has been bothering me for the last few months.

i weighed 245.4 today.