who knows?

it was another bad weekend - i was hoping to go liquids only but didn't. staying at home and "not eating" is really difficult. even after a fairly good week. i didn't gain back too much though or at least the gain didn't last too long.

i weighed 249.6 yesterday (monday morning after the morning run) - and had a significant drop more by the end of the second run, last night i weighed 245.4 (back to where i was on Friday) - who knows??? i ran again this morning and was at 244.2 - we'll see where i end up after tonight's run. i'm looking forward to being in the 30's again - it may happen this week. i'm starting to think about the skin removal surgery again. it'll set me free from this body, i feel i'm back on track.

i lost something today

it was as i thought it might be - i did poorly by being at home all weekend - very hard to be there and not eat. i did get the opportunity to get a start on my film - though i think i spent just as much time mowing the grass as i did editing. i gained 5 pounds over the weekend and then i couldn't run at all on tuesday. i weighed 253.4 on monday - didn't weigh myself on tuesday, yesterday i weighed 250 and tonight i weighed 245.4. i've got to do better this weekend.

i lost my big toe nail tonight. i have been beating up my feet for nearly 2.5 years now... i've had toe nails turn black three times - but this is the first time this has happened - what does one do? do i bury it and have a service? or keep it as a memento? super glue it back on? will a new toe nail grow back? it felt like i was in the movie "Fly" or "District 9". This toe has been bothering me for the last few months.

i weighed 245.4 today.